Hello again! I have another Amazing Race recap for you today. A very, very late recap. It's been so long since this episode actually aired, I couldn't remember most of it. Thank goodness for Amazon. This episode was frankly kind of hilarious. I loved it. Overall, the challenges were kinda boring, but the mistakes were so funny! Hang on to your butts!
Early in the mornin', we start releasing the racers. Tim and Marie are first to leave since they were first to arrive. That's how it goes here, ya dig? It's like 3 AM. No thanks.
Their clue instructs them to travel to the deck of the Mueseo Corbeta Esmerelda where the officer of the day will post their next clue.
Team Doctor Boring leave second.
Followed by Team Bingo.
The teams race off and arrive at the ship only to discover that it doesn't open until 7:15. Which means it really doesn't matter when everyone leaves because all the teams are going to get there before then. Boring.
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| *sad trumpet* |
While the teams are waiting for the ship to open, we learn that it's Lady Doctor Boring's birthday. What better present than the spare express pass that Fight Club holds in their clutches? She proposes this.
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| "We'll see." |
We'll see definitely means: "yeah nope."
To continue her unsavory streak, Marie decides that since they were first, they're in charge. And since they're in charge, everyone should line their backpacks up in order so there's no cutsies. It's super lame and for some reason everyone does it?
One of the Football Buddies challenges her and she fights back. This is stupid. He is much bigger.
It's 7:15 and everyone rushes in. Seemingly in order behind Tim and Marie which is SO STUPID OF THEM. I don't care who I have to punch! I'm at least kind of in front if I can muscle my way in. But wait! The Afganimals are running around the side like little geniuses. Little, gross, sexist geniuses.
It's a showdown!
And it's kind of hilarious.
Scruffy is victorious!
Everyone finds the clue and gathers round in a very story-time sort of way. It's super cute. The clue instructs the teams to find the famous phrase uttered by national hero, Arturo Pratt before sinking his ship. They must then repeat the phrase in Spanish to the officer to receive their next clue. Everyone sets off to look for the phrase somewhere on the boat. LIKE FOOLS.
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| FOOLS |
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| FOOLS I SAY |
Easy! They jump back on board and deliver the message to the officer in Spanish (with hand movements for extra credit).
It works!
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| Yes. Yes they did. |
This next clue tells the teams to head to some salt mines or something and choose some challenges. The Bearded Buddies try to board a cab but are immediately accosted by Marie. She demands they tell her where the phrase is because she has the express pass. EW. GROSS. YOU'RE AWFUL.
Somehow the boys escape her evil clutches and take off with a familiar face.
It's the friendly local helper man! Well that worked out. Everyone else disembarks to ask for help.
They all get the answer and return to the officer to deliver the message in flawless imitation of the Brady Bunch.
Everyone moves on with no issues. It's pretty straight-forward. Now it's time to meet up at the salt mines! They'll have to take these bikes and ride them literally into the middle of nowhere towards their imminent doom.
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| Actual photo of hell. |
This detour requires teams to choose between two tasks: "Brining" or "Mining". In brining, teams must fill a pool of water with salt until they are able to comfortably float and read the local newspaper. Bonus points if you look really silly doing it.
When the judge man is satisfied, they'll receive their next clue. Also, yeah. I'm not fooled, Phil. I see that chair under that dude. You can't trick me.
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| There is totally a chair. |
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| There will be a clue in the rock that looks like this. Got it? |
On the flip side of the coin, the Football Buddies choose mining. This is wise. As they put it, they're big and it will be harder to make them float. Also, they are big and can easily smash the things. I agree with this logic.
They figure it out as sassily as possible. Meanwhile, this is happening:
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| That face. |
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| "Forgot how to bike" |
The Football Buddies are bypassing the whole sledge hammer and chisel game and accessing their hulk powers. It's pretty awesome. And effective! They find their clue.
As do the Bearded Beauties! The clue says that teams must now go back to Iqueque and take a 1,000 mile bus ride to Santiago.
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| 1,000 miles |
Yeah guys, they spent a whole day on the bus. One day. No thanks. No freaking thanks. This is awful, but one million dollars, blah blah. After the initial shock wears off, Scruffy just can't help himself:
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| Can you not? For two minutes. |
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| "Meeeeeeh!" |
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| Preach it, Icy. |
The Baseball Wives finish the challenge and Baseball Wife #1 just gets so cold! You could say she's...Chile. PAH!
It's sorta weird because this is a tropical climate, right? In the middle of the day? I dunno, do it for Spidey, girl. Do it for Spidey.
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| Agreed, sir. |
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| He gets a hug, though. |
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| Suck it. |
Lookit that! Team Bingo have caught up and finished the mining challenge. They look...moist. Also, nice hat. Off they go to the bus station! They're catching up!
The first bus has arrived! The Football Buddies express their disdain for the eternity of a bus ride they are about to experience.
Team Bingo arrives at the bus station, ready to go. They're given the option to hop on the bus that leaves at 2:00. The safe choice. But these two are gamblers. You can see it in their eyes.
Here's what goes down: Rowan and Shane inquire about earlier busses outta the joint. To them, it sounds as if this mysterious other bus will arrive in Santiago at 4:00 PM tomorrow in spite of it leaving later...(?). They take the bait! They wave away the 2:00 bus and ask when the next bus will arrive.
Whoooops! Yeah no, you guys. The bus LEAVES at 4:00 PM today. It doesn't arrive earlier than the other bus for no damn good reason. How does that make sense? Guess when you're actually getting there.
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| Heartbreaking. |
Basically, they dun effed up. Royally. This was probably one of the least funny mistakes of this episode. Seriously, listen to people and don't take an earlier bus/flight if no one else is. Race rules. (#racerules) Whatever, I had hopes for these two and they turned out to be pretty annoying and not at all nice to each other. Moving on.
After forever, the first bus arrives at Plaza De Armas and the teams find a road block! Hey-oh!
In this road block, one team member must use a shoe shine cart to shine a shoes. A shoes of a person. Then they have to assemble the cart, bench, chair, etc. into the proper shape to transport it back to a storage facility. If they're correct in their packing, they get the next clue! Everyone begins and shines them shoes. Guys, it's pretty boring. I'm gonna be honest with you. So I zoned out and didn't screen cap anything. Everyone on the first bus finishes shining and assembles their carts with no visual aid so naturally, it's crap.
Of course it's not. Jeez. Everyone fixes it with little to no effort.
On the second bus, something kinda scripted weird goes down. One of the baseball wives is seen asking Tim if he used to play baseball at Rutgers? Rubbers? Baby Ruths? I dunno what that is. Either way, he says yes and she asks if he played with a man by a name I can't remember. He says yeah. Well guess what bros, but that's her husband! Ba-wah? I didn't see that coming. Literally not at all. Totally shocked. Honest. Tim acts poorly surprised to "discover" this and says to keep this on the down low. Why? What do you gain by keeping your baseball career under wraps, Tim? Guys, the people who "play" the race too much really bug me. It will be no secret to you. I hate it. Eyes on your own paper and you'll come out fine. Race rules!
Marie talks to the Baseball Wives and tells them that they're pretty much a shoe-in as express pass recipients. Because baseball connection? Seems like a pretty weak basis for something like that. She also says that everyone else hates them anyway which makes WAY more sense. The Baseball Wives fake appropriate laughter.
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| *forced laughing* |
Teams must now travel by taxi to Cascada De Las Animas which is a nature reserve that looks very beautiful. It's the pit stop! The last team to check in may be eliminated!
It's seeming like a tight race for first between the Football Buddies and the Afganimals. The Afganimals arrive in their cab and go to pay their driver.
The fare is 40,000 pesos and they totally don't give him enough. Then like the asses they are, they run away. Um. No? Don't do that. Pay the guy that is helping you win the race by providing a service. They get to the pit stop and are told they're first to arrive, BUT since they didn't settle their cab fare, the have to do that first before they can check in.
They look far too shocked and appalled that this is a thing. Jerks.
The Football Buddies arrive and prove that there is good in this world.
They're first! They win a trip and share a wonderful bro hug. It's majestic. Like when salmon swim upstream.
The Afganimals are back at the taxi settling their fare. The cabbie tells them whats what and Scruffy (rudely) sorts it out.
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| RUDE |
So dumb. So rude. When are these two gonna go away? They finish second and learn nothing from this mistake. The worst.
The Bearded Beauties have arrived at the pit stop! They do so in the cutest way possible.
They're third!
Night falls and we return to the shoe shine challenge where the second bus has since arrived. Marie is hard at work shining them shoes.
Her customer is literally the coolest because he keeps making her do it over again. Pretty sure she's the only one to run into this. He also makes this face:
FAVORITE PERSON.
Whoa whoa whoa, hold up! Team Bingo has arrived! Things just got interesting. They may have a chance of survival after all!
This is where my favorite part of this episode begins. It's amazing. Watch carefully. Bingo sets off to find a shoe shine!...Wait...no. What're you doing? Not that shoe shine!
Dude, he's not with the race! You are going up to a gentleman who has no idea what is going on and asking to use his shoe shine station. He doesn't seem to take the hint when the gentleman has no idea what he's talking about and initially tries to brush him off. Bingo persists and somehow, miraculously convinces the shoe shine to let him use his station. What. Is. Happening.
The shoe shine actually gives Bingo a lesson! Not only that, he packs the station up for him! It's not supposed to be this easy, Bingo! Bingo aggressively convinces the gentleman to let him TAKE HIS LIVING AWAY and wheel it to the marked storage facility. I'm dying. He is still completely oblivious to the fact that this man is not an official race shoe shiner. I do not understand how you don't notice that. I was yelling but also laughing with glee because this is freaking hilarious.
Quick side note! Just in case it's been a while since Marie filled you up with rage, she has a moment at the storage place with Oklahoma. Taylor Lautner Oklahoma is kind enough to point an Ice Princess in the right direction. Marie says no! Don't give her directions. You're stupid! In that moment I swear the entire viewing audience rolled their eyes. It caused a blackout in Burbank. Serious.
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| Perfect reaction. |
Of course no one has any idea who this guy is and tells Bingo it's not right. Naturally, the shoe shine turns to leave. For whatever reason Bingo gets on his knees and begs his little heart out to get him to stay. LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE TELLING YOU YOU DID IT WRONG. He is so annoying about it every inch of sympathy I could possibly feel for Bingo flies out the window like the thing you threw out the window when you were in a blacked-out Bingo-induced rage. Marie notices the scuffle and throws in her two cents by repeating, "No no. No. No.". I think this makes sense to her but I'm not sure it did to anyone else.
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| Nice one, Bingo. |
At long last, someone get's through to Bingo. He sasses his way back to the real shoe shine stations and proceeds with the damn challenge.
A bit of drama that was lost on me during the whole Bingo debacle was that Baseball Wifey forgot her rug! Teammates were clearly supposed to pack every item that came in the cart and she forgot hers. She now has to run back and collect it, but first she pleads with Marie for her to hand over the promised express pass.
Nope! Marie flat out says not right now. Why?! Why are you being so mean? There's no need. Rude. Marie later tells the camera that it wouldn't have benefited them in that moment. Screw you, Marie. Your pink hair is dumb. She also complains in the cab later that Bingo called her the devil and Tim makes this face:
Does Tim do anything guys? I'm worried about Tim. In comparison to his fake girlfriend, he seems like a decent human. I'm sure he's probably not, but I still worry about anyone that has prolonged exposure to this woman. Seek help, dude.
Oh yeah, Oklahoma is at the pit stop and they are sixth.
Team Sparkle Ice Princess: seventh
Finally, Bingo finds the right shoe stand. The one that's marked with the race colors duh-doy. He's probably a pro at shining shoes and assembling stands though since he got that neat private lesson earlier. Maybe he'll have an edge?
Something works for him cause he snags a clue!
Tim and Marie have checked in and we're left in suspense over who will finish next. Bingo or Baseball? Baseball Wives were dealing with their rug and Bingo had their stupid hang-up. Who will emerge victorious?
****
It's the Baseball Wives! Everyone is shocked.
Of course Team Bingo was last. We knew it from the moment these morons messed up the first time. Editing at it's finest. They did manage to pull through a lot more than I expected, I'll give them that.
They're last. They're eliminated. They hug.
Boy I was so stoked about this team. They seemed so fun at first! Under pressure though, they made stupid, costly errors and turned into a pretty dysfunctional pair so, it's curtains for them. They sure were entertaining while they lasted at least. Bye guys!
What'd you guys think of this episode? Not totally dull considering it was the second show of the season, am I right?
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