TV Recap: The Amazing Race, Season 23 Ep. 3

Welcome to my Amazing Race blog! Seriously, I'm so behind on these recaps this has totally become a blog dedicated to AR. I'm a little sorry, but not that sorry. Who doesn't love Amazing Race recaps? I know I do! Let's begin! Episode three!

We're still in Chile and the teams are preparing to depart. Get ready for some pretty involved travel commentary, everybody. It's pretty much half of the episode. Off you go, Football Buddies!

Teams are flying to Lisbon, Portugal where they will board a tram to a lady who will give them a painting.

But trust me, that wont happen for a really, really long time. 

The Football Buddies are in their cab! Followed by the Afganimals and the Bearded Beauties.

The Football Buddies are first to arrive at a nearby travel agency. This friendly lady helps them get on a flight that arrives at 7:00 AM. This seems good!

Yay!

 Team Doctor Boring are off as well!

 The Afganimals opted to book their flight in the airport and land a flight that arrives in Lisbon via a connecting flight to London at 11:00 AM. Not bad.

The Football Buddies explain the flight situation.

Or are they?

Oops.

So Team Doctor Boring has actually succeeded in snagging the 7:00 AM flight. What happened?

Noooooo!

 There were two seats left and the travel agent booked the Football Buddies for the wrong day! THE. WRONG. DAY. This is bad. That is a bad mistake. I would not have been so calm with travel agent lady.

Exactly.

At least she looks really sorry.

Jason and Amy are next to depart. 

 But soon, disaster strikes!

It's a taxi accident! Taxident. There is damage but for some damn reason the cab driver is allowed to immediately leave? No time is lost, really. 

Meanwhile, the Football Buddies are on a flight that arrives at 12:00PM which is the same flight the Bearded Beauties are on so not all is lost! 

Oklahoma, Team Sparkle Ice Princess, and Team Fight Club leave next.

Marie once again talks about the express pass and how they have two and how that's useful. I'm so bored with this. We get it. She says that they can get info from other teams in exchange for the pass but they're not really going to give it to them.

Booooooooo!

 The Foodball Buddies have a phone call?

It's the travel agent lady! Apparently she felt so bad that she's been looking all this time for an earlier flight. She's found one that has two connections instead of one, but it should get them there at 7:00 AM! It's a scary prospect, but they decide to go for it. I am nervous. 

So they're set to arrive at 7:00 now, I guess we'll see how that goes? 

The Baseball Wives are leavin'. 

The Football Buddies are departing on their first flight of three!

The Bearded Beauties are at the airport. They do a really adorable jig to celebrate their friendship and all that it stands for. They discover they have a phone call!

It's travel agent lady? I guess they were in the travel agency when the Football Buddies were, so they met and stuff? What is happening? She's found them a flight that arrives at 10:00 AM! Okay! I don't get it, but okay! 

Booked it. Nailed it. 

Oklahoma and The Beards are on the same flight so they leave and stuff. The flight that everyone else is on takes off. It contains Team Fight Club, the Baseball Wives, Jason and Amy, and Team Doctor Boring.

Well, here we go. The Football Buddies have landed at their first connecting city, but we learn that their next flight has been delayed four hours. Not for hours, although technically it kind of is. Four hours. 4. They're trying to find something sooner, but in this moment it's not looking good. 

The teams on the last plane are waiting out their connection. Apparently, there's some waiting list to get on an earlier flight that everyone wants their names on. Unfortunately, the gate hasn't opened yet, so everyone is out of luck and will just have to wait. 

Or will they?!

The Baseball Wives are SNEAKY GENIUSES for a second and scamper off to the executive lounge to see if they can get them on the list first.

They can! Best move in race history. Good work, girls! You did it for Spidey alright! I'm impressed. 

The Football Buddies have finally boarded the next flight! 

Buuuuut, it's delayed.

 The gate has finally opened up and Fight Club and the smart people team are gathered around trying to get a place on the waiting list for that earlier flight we've been hearing so much about.

The Baseball Wives saunter up and ask to confirm that their first on the wait list. No one understands. To be fair, they are totally cutting. "I just wanted him to look at this cause we're already on standby" says one Baseball Wife in a tone. It's a tone, guys. Definitely some 'tude there. 

This drama is pretty much unnecessary. As is most drama. But the Baseball Wives are definitely not in a position where they needed to rub it in anyones face. They're already on the list and they know it. Wait your turn and let everyone else get in their own way. Jeez.  

Marie keeps insisting that there was no possible way to get on standby before this exact moment because she is ignorant most of the time. The Baseball Wives explain their strategy of using the executive lounge and everyone is stunned into silence. It's so awkward. 

I concur!

What?

Yep.

BUT THEY DID PAY GOD DAMN ATTENTION MARIE

Marie complains loudly that the Baseball Wives are first. "That wasn't the order!", she says. Oh my God. Did you hit your head? This is not that hard. They fully explained the situation. Stop being an idiot. Guys, I don't like Marie. I don't like her at all. Could you not tell? She continues her tirade and professes that the Baseball Wives are dead to them. No express pass. Boom. Friendship over. Although she totally admits that she would have pulled the same stunt. WHY ARE YOU MAD THEN, SHUT UP???

No one cares. Literally.

 The Football Buddies are on a plane again. This time, however, they're landing! Yay! Because of the delays, they may have missed their next connecting flight. Boo!

They run! 

The plane takes off! 

Without them...

Bummed. 

I dunno y'all, this isn't looking great for these two. I'm very sad about it. They apparently book a flight that leaves at 3:45 AM so maybe there's still hope?

Oh well. Look! Portugal! Look how pretty it is, you guys!

The first two planes arrive in Lisbon pretty uneventfully. Team Dr. Boring and the Smart Couple board the first tram.

They reach the end of the line and find this woman who is singing like someone is stepping on her toe. Seriously was she alright? She looked in pain.

Whatever. She gives them a painting. 

Teams must now figure out that the painting is sending them to Museu Nacional Dos Coches. It's a coach museum! Portugal has a national coach museum. Which is awesome. This would be problematic for me because I would want to do nothing but explore that damn museum. I mean, look at it!

Well, that was easy.

The Baseball Wives find the clue and yell at the singing lady for being beautiful. I think they were attempting to compliment her, but it really just sounded like barn owls screeching at predators. 

Also, did I miss something? Why are the Baseball Wives called "The Bunnies" by everyone else. This just sort of started happening and it's weird. I will not be adopting this nickname because why?

Coaches! With a clue. The clue is a Detour! 

In this Detour, teams must choose between Tiles and Miles.

In Tiles, teams must assemble a life size puzzle using fragile tile pieces. Once they have been properly placed, the tile master (?) will hand them their next clue.

In Miles, teams are required to use a giant navigation instrument to calculate the total miles Magellan sailed within ten destinations. Once they have guessed correctly within 500 miles, Magellan...literally Magellan, will hand them their next clue. 

You thought he was dead. Nope.

Team Doctor Boring and the Smart Couple decide to do miles together. Aw. Friendship. 

It's a really big map, guys. Seriously, just pick the puzzle challenge. This is large and requires math. It just kind of seems like too much of time consumption? Plus, there are random tour groups wandering across it at random times when the director tells them to.

At one point during the challenge, a point on the map that they have to measure starts on one end of the map and ends clear over on the other side. The people with Phd's explain that since the earth is round, Magellan would not have had to turn around and sail to the other end of the world. I literally applauded. Excellent work. The two teams finish, guess correctly, and receive the next clue. They race off to the next roadblock.

 Nothing with any of the other teams, so for the sake of keeping this interesting; Team Dr. Boring and the Smart Couple arrive at the next roadblock. The clue says this.

THIS LOOKS COOL! The teams get to use a motha flippin' ballista to shoot an arrow and hit a giant shield. Awesome. 

First up to bat are Travis and Jason (Dr. Boring and Mr. Smart). This challenge even looks awesome when they're wearing silly helmets.

Jason hits his shield on the first try which is really annoying. I mean yay. 

The clue sends the teams to Castelo Dos Mouros which is A CASTLE ON A MOUNTAIN. I seriously just booked a flight to Portugal. I wish I wasn't kidding. 

Dem views. 

Oh...yeah. Baseball Wives finished the tile thing. It was uneventful. They head out in their cab and totally kiss.

This guy digs it.

Oklahoma and the Beards have arrived! They each grab a painting and vow to work together. Aw! Again! 

Team Dr. Boring completes the arrow challenge and race away to the pit stop! They're about 7 minutes behind the Smart Couple so there may still be a chance of them taking the lead. 

Through some ridiculous and frustrating confusion in the Smart taxi, the Smarties get totally lost. Somehow. SOME. HOW. The Borings take it. It's pretty unexpected. Well done, editing team. 

They win a trip!

They don't! At least they laugh about it. 

Here come Team Sparkle Ice Princess and the Afganimals! They land, tram, get the painting clue, blah. 

After getting their painting, the Afganimals get SO LUCKY when a bystander totally just gives them the answer. My guess is that he's been watching for quite some time and was just waiting to totally throw someone a bone and get some screen time. They're far enough behind that it doesn't much matter. 

I'm getting a bit sick of typing this sentence: Football is delayed. Again.

Sad music is playing. That's always the first sign.

Oklahoma is on the Magellan detour and they too figure out that the world is round.

I am so proud of them. They guess correctly after first trying to submit an answer that says Magellan traveled 1,600 miles. Um. Not at all? Turns out, they just forgot the zero. 16,000 sounds much better, and Magellan approves. They get a clue. 

The beards are on the puzzle challenge! They finish successfully! 

Baseball and Oklahoma also check in successfully.

The Afganimals and the Ice Princesses work together on the Magellan challenge. My dreams come true when neither one of them seems to remember that the earth is in fact round. When they reach the point on the end of the map, they're stumped! How did he get there? Did he go under South America and Africa? Did he, as Jamal suggests, go through the Panama Canal?

The Panama Canal? 

I am literally dying of laughter. Honestly, I had to pause the video and take a break for a second because it was just too much. The two teams submit about ten completely wrong and ridiculously large answers before they decide to switch challenges. I weep for the state of our public school system.

Run. Run away in shame to your tiles.

The Bearded Beauties have finished in 5th!

 Tim and Marie arrive at the tile challenge shortly after the Ice Princesses finish and shortly before the Afganimals finish. Here we learn that in addition to being awful, Team Fight Club sucks at puzzles? Seriously, look at that! They broke pieces already!

Why are you putting it together like that! Assemble it flat or start from the bottom up, you morons! Tim tries to talk Marie into using the express pass. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! IT'S A PUZZLE! By some miracle, they manage to finish, but not before I've been driven to drink.

Afganimals: 6th

Ice Princess: 7th

Team Fight Club make it to the pit stop and Phil informs them they're the last team to arrive.

Ouch.

...Except for one. There's another team out there, remember? Tim and Marie are not last. I had a moment where I completely forgot about the airport drama and celebrated the loss of this awful couple. But alas, my celebration was short lived. Marie shows her excitement by actually hugging Tim. It's aggressive though, so the real Marie is still in there somewhere.

For not much of a reason at all, the inexplicable knight who stands with Phil says this:

NO. No. Trust me, that's not what you want. How about an Ice Princess?

Oh yeah. The Football Buddies. Well, they've landed. It's night.

The Football Buddies hop off the plane ready to go only to discover Phil waiting for them in the airport.

That's not good.

 It's no surprise, even to them, that they're last. Sadly, they're also eliminated.

Well if we're in the army, just call me Major Bummer. I really liked these two! It's a shame that one silly decision ended this badly. They didn't even have that much to do with it! It just is how it is I guess. Bye buddies. You will be missed!

What'd you think of this episode? I thought it was hugely entertaining thanks to the stupid mistakes a few of the teams made. I also thought it was hugely frustrating thanks to the stupid mistakes a few of the teams made. Holy crap were people stupid this leg. It's a shame that the team who went home made the least stupid mistake out of any of the other stupid mistakes. That's the race, I guess. 

See you guys next episode! Thanks for reading.